In the last few days I was a very lucky girl, I received a message asking “…if I’d like to meet to be tied up.”
Needless to say, I refused this charming offer, but it did get me thinking. When did we become so blase about both our health and safety that these offers are even considered?
The very foundation of the BDSM relationships are safety and sanity, SSC and RACK are not just made up by prudes to spoil our fun, its common sense. Yet random hook ups with anybody, for any kind of sex carries a risk, STI’s at best, meeting a complete nutjob and never seeing the morning rise at worst. Yet within the kink communities these risks are multiplied and include many other possibilities.
STI’s are not a thing of the 80’s they still remain prevalent throughout society, 1 in 10 people screened for chlamydia test positive, so for every ten people you sleep with, statistically, one is carrying clamydia, and that’s a single infection, imagine the overall possibilities.
Secondly, in this game, you need complete trust (at least I do, i don’t sub for anyone I don’t connect to and have complete faith in). How do you know that random hook up has any clue what He/She is doing? They could tie too tight, cut too deep, cause asphyxia too long, all possibilities just though lack of knowledge with no harm intended. All things that could end up in life long damage. Do we not need to be certain our partners completely understand what they are doing? Do we not require a Dom to prove himself before we submit to their desires?
. Finally, most terrifying off all, bound and gagged we could have just put ourselves in the hands of a killer. Scaremongering maybe, but they are out there, they do exist. While they don’t walk around carrying signs, and could just as easily gain out trust first, should we not at least try to protect ourselves?
Are we becoming so desperate to get our fix of sex, vanilla or kink, that we are willing to risk our lives for it? Worse still, do people truly have so little respect for us that they expect us to?
In my opinion a man who expects me to submit to him, to sleep with him without even getting to know me is not a true Dom. He doesn’t respect me, doesnt know my limits, what I like and what I don’t. He has no desire to do anything except satisfy his own needs, and that is not what BDSM is about. Kink is mutual, a Dom wants to bring His sub to the brink of sanity through her pleasure, He wants her to enjoy pleasing Him and He wants her trust.
Isn’t that half the enjoyment, knowing your charge trusts you implicitly, being able to read their body so well you don’t need a safeword because you know when they’re reaching their limits? Knowing how they’ll respond to your touch, and which punishments will bring them to the brink.
Maybe I’m old school, maybe I have too high an expectation. But if a random fuck with a bit of rope and a stranger is the D/s relationship today, i’m glad i am.