More and more over the last few days I’ve noticed an influx of people asking the same question… “Am I sub/Dom/little/Daddy enough…”
Why do we need to fit ourselves into a cute little category. Kink isn’t about titles, (yes I appreciate to some, however, those are important) it’s about fantasy, fun and doing what we enjoy. When we try to shape ourselves to fit our titles we have to give things up we like and accept those we don’t. You don’t have to use a nappy to be a little, you dont have to mind fuck to be a Dom and you sure as hell dont have to relabel your kink because someone says you dont fit.
In every aspect of life we have to categorise ourself to someone elses expectation, have to look a certain way, act within certain parameters and surely behind closed doors (in a car, behind a tree, wherever you fancy) is the one time we can truly be ourselves?
I cant help but think asking people to validate our choices and roles is a huge declaration of vulnerability. It shows we lack confidence in ourselves and most starkly, it suggests we don’t even know our own minds. If were going to let other people tell us who we have to be to enjoy ourselves, we aren’t achieving our own aims.
The world of kink is huge, with something to suit every taste, admittedly with some fetishes being more common than others. So who is making these rules that supposedly define us? More importantly still, why are we letting them?
We seem to just throw away our identities to conform to other peoples ideals. We bow down, bite our tongues and squeeze ourselves into places we just dont fit. No one fits, because no one is the same.
As we wander through life waiting for acceptance and validation we are forgetting who’s opinion really matters. Our own. No one can make us feel happy and confident but ourselves. Acceptance comes from within, and only when we can stand up, say, “This is who I am” and be comfortable with that can we truley enjoy life and kink at all.
For those trying to conform for specific people, its never going to work anyway. You cant make yourself who someone else wants you to be. Eventually the facade will fade away. By accepting who you really are, only then can you find what you’re looking for. The people who will matter will see your differeces and want to be with you, sub for you, Dom you, for exactly those reasons.
Throw the cage away (unless you like it 😉 ) and be who you want to be, dont let labels define you.