Category: Kink

Posts about the lifestyle I lead, and my thoughts on it, and the way it is viewed

Orgasmic Review: Rocks off 80, “Precious Golden Passion”

From the moment I got my dispatch notice for the precious golden passion, I was excited. It looks like every girl’s best friend, glitzy gold and 7 speed! When it arrived I wasn’t disappointed. On opening the box, it looks like the Prada of sex toys, expensive and classy. I also love how the bevelled effect is actually there, I was expecting it to be smooth, but it really feels like it’s been dipped in glitter, an excellent added sensation.

After the obligatory hand test of the settings, (and yes I tested it on the tip of my nose too, achoo, achoo) I was even more impressed. It is POWERFUL, and the phrase “7 speed” doesn’t seem to do the settings justice, it vibrates, vibrates faster, and faster… it also has pulse settings, it has pulsing pulse settings, I was wet before I got it to the bedroom.

Downside at this point, in the silence of a bedroom, it is noisier than your average bullet, not wake the neighbours noisy, but definitely hide under the duvet and turn the TV on so the kids don’t hear.

So, lets slide under the duvet, with the joy of Glee in the background and see what this beauty can do. After I got momentarily distracted by which setting to start with, I decided the only fair way to enjoy my new toy was to scroll through them all. Each and every one is a joy, though in the throes of excitement the button can be a little awkward to push just right. Slightly annoying, but with a little practice, I’m sure the right position will soon be second nature.

I’ve owned other bullets and without a doubt even on the golden’s, gentlest setting it’s much more powerful. So much so on its strongest I swear it feels like little bolts of electricity are being sent through you, in a good way of course. The pulse settings do however feel very similar to each other, while a big difference in hand its much less noticeable “in bed”.

I gave this little gem 40 minutes of my time, it gave me three orgasms and a very happy, if a little numb, pussy. I highly recommend it to anyone wanting something small and powerful, if I could only own one sex toy, it would be this.golden passion

Advertisements

Confining ourselves to boxes…

More and more over the last few days I’ve noticed an influx of people asking the same question… “Am I sub/Dom/little/Daddy enough…”

Why do we need to fit ourselves into a cute little category. Kink isn’t about titles, (yes I appreciate to some, however, those are important) it’s about fantasy, fun and doing what we enjoy. When we try to shape ourselves to fit our titles we have to give things up we like and accept those we don’t. You don’t have to use a nappy to be a little, you dont have to mind fuck to be a Dom and you sure as hell dont have to relabel your kink because someone says you dont fit.

In every aspect of life we have to categorise ourself to someone elses expectation, have to look a certain way, act within certain parameters and surely behind closed doors (in a car, behind a tree, wherever you fancy) is the one time we can truly be ourselves?

I cant help but think asking people to validate our choices and roles is a huge declaration of vulnerability. It shows we lack confidence in ourselves and most starkly, it suggests we don’t even know our own minds. If were going to let other people tell us who we have to be to enjoy ourselves, we aren’t achieving our own aims.

The world of kink is huge, with something to suit every taste, admittedly with some fetishes being more common than others. So who is making these rules that supposedly define us? More importantly still, why are we letting them?

We seem to just throw away our identities to conform to other peoples ideals. We bow down, bite our tongues and squeeze ourselves into places we just dont fit. No one fits, because no one is the same.

As we wander through life waiting for acceptance and validation we are forgetting who’s opinion really matters. Our own. No one can make us feel happy and confident but ourselves. Acceptance comes from within, and only when we can stand up, say, “This is who I am” and be comfortable with that can we truley enjoy life and kink at all.

For those trying to conform for specific people, its never going to work anyway. You cant make yourself who someone else wants you to be. Eventually the facade will fade away. By accepting who you really are, only then can you find what you’re looking for. The people who will matter will see your differeces and want to be with you, sub for you, Dom you, for exactly those reasons.

Throw the cage away (unless you like it 😉 ) and be who you want to be, dont let labels define you.

 

 

Are we getting too lazy for real sex?

I cant help but notice recently the rise in requests for cams, sexy pictures and dirty messages. Nice to know I warrant such messages of course, but whatever happened to actual meetings, coffee, dinner and the real thing?

Have we got too lazy to make the effort for the real thing when the internet means we can find our own porn stars to perform for us? Surely though, that can’t compete with actually finding someone you connect with to sleep with? When did porn stop being something we use to enhance a relationship, or because we don’t have one? When did it replace, relationships and actual sex?

Is a rise in people not wanting one night stands causing this? Is it just too messy when you don’t want a relationship, so cyber sex fills a gap with no risk? Or are we becoming a generation so lost in online contact were forgetting how to actually interact with people we take a liking to?

I can’t help but think we lead such busy lives, so complicated that we cant find the time to make actual relationships, our schedules don’t allow the face to face interaction, not to mention the joys of internet mean we discover people further afield that the next town.

Is meeting too complicated to take from messages we can take time to think over, to being put on the spot and having to show our real selves? Is that the fear? The thought who we really are might not be up to standard, that we might be rejected or disliked. Is fear and nervousness overtaking our senses and our lives?

This kind of follows on from my previous post, the urge for hook ups and lack of respect. we take a look, find someone attractive and then want naked pictures. We’re losing our ability to make connections to people, to see beyond their bodies, the hidden pleasure that is getting inside someones mind.

Is it really just me, because I’m pretty sure I get a lot more out of sex when i know what makes a person tick, how to get inside their head. I want to have sex and then a conversation in between before round two.

Virtual reality sex may make it big yet, then we could eliminate interaction all together. Is contact doomed?

 

Sex, Hook Up’s and Respect

In the last few days I was a very lucky girl, I received a message asking “…if I’d like to meet to be tied up.”

Needless to say, I refused this charming offer, but it did get me thinking. When did we become so blase about both our health and safety that these offers are even considered?

The very foundation of the BDSM relationships are safety and sanity, SSC and RACK are not just made up by prudes to spoil our fun, its common sense. Yet random hook ups with anybody, for any kind of sex carries a risk, STI’s at best, meeting a complete nutjob and never seeing the morning rise at worst. Yet within the kink communities these risks are multiplied and include many other possibilities.

STI’s are not a thing of the 80’s they still remain prevalent throughout society, 1 in 10 people screened for chlamydia test positive, so for every ten people you sleep with, statistically, one is carrying clamydia, and that’s a single infection, imagine the overall possibilities.

Secondly, in this game, you need complete trust (at least I do, i don’t sub for anyone I don’t connect to and have complete faith in). How do you know that random hook up has any clue what He/She is doing? They could tie too tight, cut too deep, cause asphyxia too long, all possibilities just though lack of knowledge with no harm intended. All things that could end up in life long damage. Do we not need to be certain our partners completely understand what they are doing? Do we not require a Dom to prove himself before we submit to their desires?

. Finally, most terrifying off all, bound and gagged we could have just put ourselves in the hands of a killer. Scaremongering maybe, but they are out there, they do exist. While they don’t walk around carrying signs, and could just as easily gain out trust first, should we not at least try to protect ourselves?

Are we becoming so desperate to get our fix of sex, vanilla or kink, that we are willing to risk our lives for it? Worse still, do people truly have so little respect for us that they expect us to?

In my opinion a man who expects me to submit to him, to sleep with him without even getting to know me is not a true Dom. He doesn’t respect me, doesnt know my limits, what I like and what I don’t. He has no desire to do anything except satisfy his own needs, and that is not what BDSM is about. Kink is mutual, a Dom wants to bring His sub to the brink of sanity through her pleasure, He wants her to enjoy pleasing Him and He wants her trust.

Isn’t that half the enjoyment, knowing your charge trusts you implicitly, being able to read their body so well you don’t need a safeword because you know when they’re reaching their limits? Knowing how they’ll respond to your touch, and which punishments will bring them to the brink.

Maybe I’m old school, maybe I have too high an expectation. But if a random fuck with a bit of rope and a stranger is the D/s relationship today, i’m glad i am.

Vibrators, Butt Plugs and Shame

I recently joined a new sex toy website’s group of toy testers (good news for me and you as I’ll be sharing my wetness ratings later on 😉 ) and its got me thinking, why we choose the toys we do, why such a variety is available and the type of people who use them.

Even the stores we buy from are aimed at certain types of people, from high street conservative to online depravity. Personally I fall in to the depths of depravity, I have no need of a realistic vieny penis lookalike, I could find a Dom to service me in that area. Clearly though there’s a market from them, why do people want a rubber penis replica?

Is it that they feel it’s more acceptable, less depraved if it replicates the real thing? Is sex still such a dirty word that even our cravings have to be within certain boundaries? Is that why pink, glittery cute rabbit ears are so popular, so what we do with it seems less dirty?

My brief time so far on the companies Facebook group has proved sex is in high demand. As is the desire for freebies. Posts are constant all day long, “when will i get an item” from people who signed up only 12 hours previously. When they do receive them, they seem incapable of writing real reviews that actually encourage the reader (or discourage), they beg for sex, then can’t manage to string a coherent paragraph together about why the toy is or isn’t any good. Could it be that it’s just too embarrassing to come out of the realms of secret groups and post the facts in all their delightful details where people might see it?

Well my friends, to do my duty in the war against conformity, I love my sex toys, the cute, the dirty, the depraved. I don’t care if it cost me a tenner or sixty quid, if it looks pretty or like something out of the black lagoon. I buy them to enjoy myself, to enjoy with a partner, I refuse to be embarrassed or ashamed of that fact. My favourite toy is a cheap tiny silver bullet, I swear the vibrations on that thing could give a jet engine a run for its money. I’m also not afraid to share that just seeing that silver orgasm giver in my drawer of kinkiness gets me wet.

The world of sex toys is huge, everything from vibrating wands, to nipple enlarging contraptions right up to fucking machines, so why do these high street stores not stock the racier items? They stick to standard, to the expected and those who dont know to go looking for it never find the joy of the expanding dildo. Even porn (assuming your watching the standard stuff) sticks to the safe toys, without searching specifically for BDSM/Bondage/extreme youll see a nice pink vibe with pretty bunny ears. Even within the world of sex, the good stuff seems to be a  closely guarded secret, that only the most kinky find out about. The very people who try and make pleasure a buisness are only willing to do so publically, if it’s conservative.

Even when the atrocity that is 50 shades of grey became popular, Ann Summers only increased their lines to satin blindfolds, and soft leather paddles. Where was the real stuff that BDSMers enjoy, the biting cuffs, whips that really whip, pinwheels (mine came from a craft shop btw! You can find sex toys everywhere with my kind of mind) and everything that makes kink wonderful.

Life is too short, too dull to be confined to a dull sex life, dull conversations and pretending we don’t love to get down, dirty and soaking wet. Here’s to the giant vibrators, the riding crops, the inflatable butt plugs, life’s pleasures and lets hope that one day we can enjoy all these things without shame.

 

KNKI: Is a BDSM dating site really a good idea?

Today, I discovered there’s a brand new app for us Kinksters, in the form of social media/dating site KNKI. So off I went to take a look. As a collared sub the dating side really has no interest to me. Yet when it comes to the profile section “Type I’m seeking” has no option not to be looking for a play partner.

Now first off while Facebook is pretty much the only social media needed for day to day life, (no one actually uses Myspace or Bebo anymore do they?) surely the likes of Fetlife is the only social media we need? Is KNKI just trying to fill a mobile gap Fet is yet to close? Fetlife really does cover everything, from bio’s to a list of kinks to more groups than anyone could ever hope to participate in. It also holds a wealth of information, covers SSC and RACK and encourages its community to be safe.

Now, a location based app goes into a whole different realm, were sharing where we are with god knows who. In a fantasy world that can be dangerous, there goes Safe and Sane. Do we really want some nutjob who thinks BDSM is tying someone to the ceiling while whipping them raw knowing where we are? We all like to think everyone who plays in the kink world is there to play by the rules, but the fact is this world just isn’t like that. All dating sites draw their share of time wasters, creeps and married men and women, but this isn’t any old dating, this is within the world of fantasy, a world where whips are wielded, cages are locked and chains clamped closed.

The biggest concern for me in regards to security, while perusing their premium page ($9.99 a month) the phrase “no blocking limits” caught my eye. So a user must pay for the privilege of blocking problem users from their page. This seems a poor way to make money and makes the site easy to abuse for those who wish to do so. Considering the first profile I viewed, of a young woman, stated “I want someone who will hit me and hurt me”, predators will crawl from the very foundation of this site and prey on the inexperienced, naive and down right dumb.

We’ve all seen that newbie on Fet “new and curious, no limits do what you want”. we all cringe and offer the most frightful experience possible that “no limits” invites, in the hope of making them realise what that phrase mean. Who will do the same on KNKI? Even if that user discovers what they’ve invited, the block option needs paying for. The fact someone even uses the above phrase is probably a good indicator that the app isn’t inviting a sensible clientele.

The next issue for me, was protection of minors. When the app is started, it has no login, no pass-code, nothing. Now I don’t know about all parents, but now and again the bad mother I am gives her phone to a cranky 3 year old, or 6 year old to keep them quiet in the car, while I’m on the phone or one of the many times I seem to end up in the doctors with one of the four. Now while they may start off on a nice safe, educational game (Thomas the tank racing promotes co-ordination I swear it), the could soon end up browsing the kind of images that could turn a priest to kink. On an app such as this (especially seeing as I didn’t at any point have to confirm my age) I expect a tiny bit of protection.

As for the social media aspect… It’s not going to rival Fetlife any time soon. No status updates, no groups, no events. Effectively you can message who you like, follow anyone who pops up in your feed and look at all the pictures you want. Its’s not a community, its a perv paradise (and not the good type of perv). I hate to say it,I hope I’m wrong but within a year, I expect a news story, a victim and a KNKI user.

(ps for anyone who wishes to find me i can be found @angelitious on fetlife 😉 )

 

 

BDSM, Misconceptions and the Media

It occurred to me today, so many people have such wide and varied misconceptions about the BDSM lifestyle, and I couldn’t help but wonder… why?

What is it that makes people think a Dominant beats the shit out of His/Her sub? Is it an ingrained belief that anything that differs from “normal” must be dangerous and harmful? Do people grow up believing a firm and leading partner is abusive? Or is it just the wide range of literature that shows the lifestyle in a bad light?

Maybe the terminology itself is the reason people fear a lifestyle they don’t understand. Someone asked me, “So do you like being strangled?” The answer of course is “fuck no!”, but then they aren’t really referring to being strangled. They don’t know or understand the difference between some nutter trying to kill you and controlled, safe breath-play.

Some people really do believe that those indulging in a kink lifestyle wander round wearing gimp masks and defecating on each other. Now while these are real kinks for some people, they also aren’t the basis of a relationship or to everyone’s taste.

If someone says marriage to me, I could make the assumption its due to pregnancy, money, or just because a couple feel they have to. For the most part those assumptions would be wrong, except for that tiny minority. Its the same if I told a vanilla person I have been collared. they’re going to assume I get beaten, used, abused and degraded (maybe I do, maybe I like it), the real question is: How do we dispel these myths? We can’t the power of media fuelled thinking is too strong.

They aren’t healthy assumptions and they certainly don’t make life easier for the collared sub. Many a friend has faced awkward questions about the piece of jewellery around their neck, the questioner never likes being quizzed about their wedding night and whether they screwed ’til sunrise though. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m quite happy to answer questions by someone who is genuinely interested, I’m happy to educate those willing to listen. What irritates the fuck (i won’t apologise for that word it has to be said) out of me, is people who immediately jump to conclusions, won’t listen or try to google numbers for domestic violence charities.

I’m going off on a little bit of a tangent, however, lets get back to my point, WHY? Or maybe it shouldn’t be why do people have misconceptions, but why are kinksters portrayed as they are? Lets be honest, BDSM in the media is never shown in a pretty light, leather full-face masks, news stories about young teens killing themselves practicing auto-asphyxiation or worse yet and I hate this headline, “Murderer/Rapist/Psycho Viewed Violent Porn.” I will never forget one TV detective show that was searching the laptop of its suspect. When they came to his bookmarks, at the top of the list was one of my own favourite pornography sites (second and third were familiar too), now, bang, that’s it he’s guilty and the show concluded with his confession etc. I’m pretty sure pornography is for the most part, make-believe, it is a staged scene not unlike any other TV performance, many of the niche sites even carry large banners stating all actors are over 21 and all acts consensual. The biggest producer i know of kink porn even interviews its actors before and after the scene, and those interviews are shown before and after the good stuff. Any one watching this stuff, knows full well its just good fun, its not women snatched from the streets, or being tied up and gang banged by forty strangers. Psycho’s don’t want a detailed report of why the actress is doing this video, so they sure as hell aren’t watching kink.com.

My theory on all of this? It’s actually quite simple, any safe, sane Dom/Domme knows the power is all in the hands of the sub. Therefore making the often, (stereotype coming up) “weaker” sex, the weaker person. A woman likes being whipped, but instead we must pretend it’s because she is weak, vulnerable, trapped, if we applaud BDSM we must give her the power.

Ridicule a man on his knees before a leather clad woman holding his leash, it’s easier that accepting this strong woman, is allowing her man to show his freedom, to step down from those macho shoes, despite the fact the control is in his hands. A man cannot — in view of the media — be strong if he bows to a woman, he is pitiful.

The media and literature that fuels these misconceptions, does so, so that it can keep the stereotypes alive. Women are weak and men are only real men if they beat their chests.