I hear you, “what there are rules?!” Yep quite a few.
Many people seem to think all you need is a whip and some rope and you can practice the art of BDSM. Mainstream beliefs fuel this. The fact is, that belief couldn’t be further from the truth.
To understand the rules, you have to understand what BDSM is. I don’t mean what the letters stand for, anyone can Google that and see for themselves. I mean what the actual lifestyle is about. A Dom is not a screwed up bloke (or woman) with mummy issues, girlfriend issues or just plain fucked in the head. He (or she) is someone who wants to bring pleasure to his partner. Who wants to experience the gratification of having someone place their security in their hands. A sub is not a weak woman (or man), who cant think for themselves, cant make decisions and is weak in life. She is someone who likes to be pleasured, to be told how to pleasure her partner, (lets face it a mans “cum” face in a normal situation might be mistaken for a pissed off face), sometimes it’s nice to be told what to do. Often in a long term “conventional” relationship between a Dom and sub, it is actually the sub who is the stronger party in day-to-day life.
On to the rules, SSC and RACK are at the root of everything a fetish lover does. Safe, Sane, Consensual and Risk Assessed Consensual Kink. You’ll notice both abbreviations contain one word the same. Consent. BDSM is NOT about doing something, or persuading someone to do something without their permission. Safe, well this is pretty self explanatory, don’t do anything stupid, the same meaning goes for the RA of RACK. This can mean anything from have a sharp object close by in-case you need to release ropes quickly, to not screwing someone who’s tied around the throat from the ceiling. Sane, this is pretty much the same as the previous. Doing things that aren’t guaranteed to go wrong. These rules also apply to state of mind, don’t whip your sub raw if you’ve had a bad day, keep your head on straight, don’t use it as a form of venting.
These rules were at the core of why I wanted to write Two Worlds. The masses are suddenly dabbling in BDSM without any clue of what they’re doing. Tell me, how exactly are you going to release your sub if she (he) passes out and you have them tied to the bed? In a panic fumbling with knots is going to get you no where. Do you know what to do if you take breath play too far? Do you even know how to do it properly? Can you give a sub the aftercare she (he) needs? Do you know what subspace is? If you answered no to a single one of the above questions, you are not following the rules of BDSM and if you’re not following them, what you are doing isn’t kink, its stupid.
Two Worlds shows that having a sexual relationship that focuses on the fetish lifestyle, is not about any of the usual stereotypes. There’s no weak woman, no fucked up man. The Dom knows what he is doing, and the sub is being taught. At the same time, it’s still fiction and what everyone needs to remember, is you cant learn a new skill, by reading a fiction novel.
Yes, BDSM is a skill, its an art form, it’s beautiful.